I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
