so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
