As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
