I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We got so high we made milksteak
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
