Can i not drive my cunt home
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
