my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
