On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
