walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I smell like Dick and happiness
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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