I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
