she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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