I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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