i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....