I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
