i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
