You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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