I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
