the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
