I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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