I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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