I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
