its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So many bounce houses so little time
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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