i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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