So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
