So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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