well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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