this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
