You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
