Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
