it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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