She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
