for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
