we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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