nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Never joke about your clitoris.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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