Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
