There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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