I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
