the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
