i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
