Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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