I haven't been this sober since birth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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