okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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