I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
