and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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