North Korea, Best Korea!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
