Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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