I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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