Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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