p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
