Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize