im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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