He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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