Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
