Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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