we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You pole danced in your parka.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
