pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
