that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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