they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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