I cannot find my penis.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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