It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
