he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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