you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
